The Fly On The Wall

I read with interest the other day a blog about an elderly parent’s uncontrollable spending habits.  I too can relate to this issue.  It appears this particular gentleman’s spending habits may be brought on from a variety of issues; hording, loneliness, boredom and who knows what else.  I can totally sympathize with her.  My mother is the same way and so is my best friends father.

We are both frustrated and angry but I am sometimes still sympathetic.  However, my best friend is now teetering on FURRIOUS, to the point that she does not want to even visit her dad and simply wants to push him off on her older sister.  This behavior of hers actually angers me because she at one time had a major spending habit.  Her habit was brought on by many factors that tumbled down after a car accident.  I did not belittle her, I did not abandon her, I still called and hung out with her as much as I could.  Eventually, she did see she had a problem and took steps to help herself.  But to this day, she still has a problem and I still love her the same.

What drives people to such behavior.  It is not just the elderly who suffer from this phenomenon but seems to be evident in many people ranging from rich to poor.  I believe many people with this problem are simply unaware of the dyer consequences of their actions, such as; losing a home for not paying the mortgage because they don’t have the money, having the utilities shut off etc.  As well, I truly don’t think they have any idea how their loved ones are stressed out or maxed out financially trying to keep up with their parent’s problem.

How can we best help people with such behavior.

1. Most importantly, continue to love your family member and control your temper.
2. Secondly, don’t forget to call or visit as you may be the only real person they see.
3. Lastly, help them find help.  Makes some phone calls for them then drive them to their visit.  Support them and let them know you care and are happy to be there for them.  Don’t just tell them to get help, that never works no matter how much you beg.

While I’m not a doctor and I don’t know exactly what’s happening, nor do I really understand it, I do know what is right and wrong when it comes to treatment of others.  Remember, you may one day be in their shoes and looking for a little glimmer of hope.